She had nothing left to give.....so I gave to her what little I had

Time leaves its mark where it has traveled. A weathered surface and an eroded landscape can be its signature, or maybe just a memory lingering on what used to be.

Yesterday we visited our Sacred Space, a little area nestled along the river that hugs up against a mountain. Its a slow flowing river filled with large boulders that beg you to come sit and be hidden, hidden from everything, even your own thoughts. The mountain embraces and supports you, allowing you to be safe, relaxed, and open. While you are here, you can release your pains, let go of worry, and be filled with strength and inspiration.

We knew before we arrived that things would be different. We knew that there had been a change, new developers had come in to build their housing lots jammed up to the mountain and when doing so began roping off the river. It had always been open to the public as you would drive down the curvy road with pull offs, allowing one to spend time at the river.  But now being able to find even a little space that wasn't roped off, fenced off, and hammered with private signs was a job in itself. 

When finally we spotted a place where we could pull off, the path to the river was a challenging hike. As soon as we entered....it felt like a void.

The water still meandered as it always had, but the energy now was different. As I stood looking around, it looked as if someone had disturbed her. Fallen trees just didn't lay right, and piles of rocks were obviously not in there natural occurrence. Mostly she felt empty, that magical feeling of spirit seemed to have escaped.

I climbed through this new obstacle course and found a large boulder to sit on. I watched the water as it flowed down and sat quietly, but could not feel her (Gaia). There were no birds, no hawks flying over, no dragonflies skipping the water. I layed my hand down on the boulder in order to "hear" her....and I felt emptiness. Where normally I would feel energy, warmth, and life..now what I felt was like a weak pulse. 

She has become a parcel, a possession, fallen into the greed of man. Those that have loved her and cared for her are not longer allowed to come. The circle of life that filled this section of the world doesn't come to visit any longer.

As my hand lay on the boulder, I knew that in her emptiness she had nothing left to give....so I gave to her what little I had.

 I gave her the respect and love that she deserves. I thanked her with my deepest gratitude for the sacredness she had always provided. I attempted to give her what she had always given me....healing.

I got up and started climbing back to the road, so deeply saddened, shaking my head at when "man" will realize that not everything should have a price tag.

I know that we will not visit again, this special place that we gave and received such love. But a little piece of us will always be here with her.

Answers.. Art... and the Garden

Knowledge is Power.

We tell ourselves so often when we are stumbling for an answer to Why.."if I only knew the root of the problem..things would be better". I could fix it. I could change it. We can tell ourselves that so often, that we begin to believe that once we have the knowledge of "what it is", things will immediately be different. But nobody told us that is not entirely all there is to it.

Yes, things will be different, but once you have the knowledge..it is up to YOU how it will change. The knowledge is the stepping stone.

For four years I had been searching for an answer. Why am I in so much pain? Why don't I feel well? What is wrong with me? Doctor after doctor, test after test, and endless days of discouragement led me to endless searching for the answer, as if the answer would be the solution. All the while not knowing that once I had the answer....it was only a step. And that step is your choice in how you will make it change. In which direction, what path will you take, toward your solution?

These past few months as I had felt even worse, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My inspiration to create Art became more and more difficult, my pain dictating my every move, and fatigue controlling my days. Then Tuesday morning an unexpected phone call came, and in ONE minute the stepping stone appeared in front of me. "You have Lupus". Stunned I hung up the phone and became quiet. I needed to process this, and realized things weren't immediately better now that I had an answer. The stepping stone was in front of me, but I was not ready to take a step. I gave myself permission to sit with it, think, and BE.

 I needed to eliminate the noise that surrounds us in the world, no TV, no phone calls, no drama....just to get to that simple state of breath. So, I spent that day and all the next outside, the one place that can make you feel better just by it's existence. The one place so easy to find perspective and balance.

I decided to listen to Me.

I felt compelled to to have my hands in the Earth, the simplicity called to me...work in the garden. Flowers needed to be planted. I needed to surround myself with color, reds and blues and purples. I needed to feel the soil in my hands.

The afternoon was spent planting. Loosening the soil and digging the holes was immediately hurting me, the pain was aggressive...but I needed to do it. My husband saw the difficulty and began doing the strenuous parts for me so that I was left with the simple pleasures of placing the flowers and plants in the earth and filling them in. Finished, we spent the rest of the day on the porch..quiet, peaceful and meditative.

The next day we spent our day driving in the mountains and then again back sitting near the garden, until I then found a sense of peace with where I was at...a sense of peace that there was a stepping stone in front of me. I had come to the state of Now. The past did not exist and the future did not exist..only the present. And I took a step forward on to the stepping stone. I made the choice to fully immerse in my healing, to listen to my intuition and my body and act accordingly and move forward. I have no expectations that it will be easy, but will strive for the best quality of life, to be easy with myself and put my needs to the forefront. I will continue with my Art on a relaxed level, because it is like breath to me, it is part of my essence.

 Breathe in. Breathe Out. Follow the Stepping Stones.

Visiting Our Spirit Place

It's been long over due and sorely missed, but this afternoon we finally were able to return to our Spirit Place...the place where we have pulled off on many afternoons in days gone by...a place where we have rejoiced after visits with friends...a place where John proposed to me...a place where we feel totally connected with something bigger than ourselves.

A serene place along the Broad River and nestled in the mountains near Chimney Rock, is our place. As we park and head toward the water, our hearts beat a little faster, knowing that soon we will find complete peace. After a few minutes of carefully negotiating your footsteps down the paths, the arrival at the river welcomes us with sunshine and the first thing I want to do....lay my hand on the rocks and say hello to our old friend.

It's here that we take the biggest breath of relief in the past few months. That we release our worries, even if momentarily, and allow our beings to relax in the knowing. We watch a pair of crows that are diligently working on building their nest, and relate to them as we quietly watch their movements.

They fly high over our heads back and forth and pay us humans no attention as they focus on their task, maybe reminding us to do the same.

We walk a bit over the large rocks and boulders, each step taken in reverence, at the beauty that surrounds us. Few words are spoken on this trip, they aren't needed. It's here that we remember who we are with one another and enjoy the peace that is emanating between us.

The waters are clean and cool, cleansing for the body and soul. John drinks from the river and meditates briefly while I am pulled to go explore.

As I head the other way I feel pulled to a quiet place where I feel the presence of a bear. No, I do not see him, but feel him in the woods on the other side of the river, watching us two-legged ones with interest. With my camera in tow, I take a few shots of the water that just glistens with sparkles of light dancing along the top and I think of the old Cherokee stories of the wee ones and where they may be hiding.

Soon we feel it's time to leave our spot. We have been here long enough, are replenished with balance, and it's time to give it back to those that live here.  So grateful for the day, beautiful and warm.

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